


live through this

by cheinsaw



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, POV Second Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-03-10
Packaged: 2018-03-17 03:49:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3514277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheinsaw/pseuds/cheinsaw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(and you won't look back.)</p><p>Shou rescues Byakuren from Makai. Physically, at least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	live through this

**Author's Note:**

> this is kinda canon-divergent but not enough to warrant an AU tag. the only differences are that the ufo player character isn't present, and shou's pagoda just does whatever. honestly i am still not really sure what the pagoda even does besides shoot lasers. apparently it makes gems. SHOU, EVERYONE.

You're standing on the deck, anxiety tying you into knots, when Murasa steers the ship into Hokkai. You descend through the clouds into a hell of red heat, a grid where a city used to be. It hurts to breathe, but you are here for a reason and you are strong and you are going to get Byakuren back.

In. Out. In. Out. You start counting fives, _in_ one two three four five _out_ one two three four five. Your fingers tighten around your spear, knowing there's nothing you can do but wait until you're close to her – but you want to free her _now_. You've spent so many years apart from Byakuren that now, so close to your first chance to see her again, you can barely wait any longer.

"Murasa says we're getting close," Ichirin says, suddenly appearing at your side. "Shou? You haven't moved in like twenty minutes."

"I'm aware," you say. "I'll be able to use the pagoda to seek out her exact location. Leave this to me, alright?"

"I wanna see her too."

"I know. I know, but this is something I need to do on my own–"

"So bring her back safe, okay?"

You turn to face her, her words slowly sinking in. "Alright. I will. ...Thank you."

She smiles brightly. "Don't worry, Shou. We all have your back!" She says it like she did when you were first falling in love with Byakuren, when you were gathering the courage to tell her how you felt. Now, as you're preparing to go to retrieve her from her thousand-year prison, the love is even stronger, giving you the courage you need to nod at Ichirin and leap off the ship's deck and into the thick Hokkai air.

The pagoda easily lights your way. Byakuren is here, your Byakuren, she's weak but her saintly presence is still there, even with her powers sealed off. It has a different glow than the raw magic of the Hokkai miasma. You let the pagoda guide you until you come to the front of a ruined building, Makai's setting sun forcing you to squint. There's no doubt about it – something powerful is in there, abandoned as the place might look, and you'll be damned if it's not Byakuren. So you shoot the door down and hold your breath as you step inside.

When you see her you feel like crying. She's chained against the far wall, unconscious, her head bowed, and she looks too thin and pale and broken. But as you get closer you can see she's breathing, she's alive, and you love her more than anything in the world. The chains around her are sealed with countless ofuda, but you don't care, you are the representative of Bishamonten and you will free the woman you love with your bare hands if that's what it takes. You rip one off, and it stings and burns your hands, but you don't care. You don't stop until all the paper is on the ground, and you're shaking Byakuren's shoulders, making the chains around her clink and rattle.

"Hijiri. Hijiri, wake up," you beg. "Byakuren, it's me, it's me, we're all here, wake up..."

Her eyes flutter open for just a moment, then widen as if she can't believe it. "Shou?"

"I'm going to get you out, hold still." You drop your spear, readying the pagoda. Though the chains aren't protected by the ofuda anymore, they're likely still full of charms to keep Byakuren sealed.

"Shou," she says again, and it is such a pained and hopeful cry. Tears roll down her face immediately, but you can tell she's trying to blink them away. "Goodness. Shou, you came back..."

"Of course," you say, using the pagoda to slice one of her chains off with a white-hot laser. Her arm falls limply at her side when it's freed. "I said that I would. We never gave up on you." You cut the chain ensnaring her right arm, leaving both her hands free.

"Shou," she sobs, and weakly opens her arms. "Shou."

You lean into her, holding her tight. She smells the same as always, warm and earthy and flowery, and it makes the tears welling up in your eyes spill out. When you lay your head on her shoulder you notice she's locked to the back wall by her waist as well, so you reach down and destroy that chain too. It crumbles down into small pieces of light, dissolving into the air.

"Thank you, it was hard to breathe—" she starts, before collapsing down to the floor.

"Byakuren!" You kneel down in a flash, your arms around her shoulders. "We should get out of here soon."

"I couldn't agree more," Byakuren says, her tone almost light if not for the way she's gasping. "The air in here is a miasma, it's dangerous for non-magicians… It has a will of its own."

"Hey, shhh, I'm going to carry you, alright?"

"Yes, thank you... I'm afraid I am a bit weakened..." She allows herself to be picked up, and it's then that you notice the bright red blistering welts where her shackles were.

"Byakuren," you gasp. "Your wrists..."

"It's alright, Shou," she says. "I can't feel much of them anymore. It's alright."

You're overwhelmed with emotion, leaning down to kiss her. "I won't—let anyone hurt you like this again," you promise. "Let's go back to the ship."

"I want to see everyone," she says softly, a calm smile spreading across her face.

She's fainted again by the time you get back to the ship. You step softly onto the deck, carrying her like she's your bride, belied only by her limp frame.

"Shou! You found — oh, no," Ichirin says, her eyes wide and scared.

"She's alive. But very weak. Please go get some water, quickly. Bring the captain, too."

Ichirin nods and bounds into the ship's lower deck. Once she's gone you sink down to the floor, gently hoisting Byakuren's body against your own. "Wake up, please," you beg. "Byakuren."

"Shou..." she mumbles, turning herself so she's closer to you. "I need... water..."

"I know. I know, Ichirin's bringing you some."

"Murasa... where..."

"Murasa should be here any minute as well."

"Naz...rin?"

"She's around."

"Good..." Byakuren mumbles. Her head lolls against your shoulder, and you start to worry again. Byakuren must be able to feel your muscles tensing, though, because she continues, "I'm okay, Shou. I just need some food and rest. I'm... not so weak..."

"I know, but..."

"It's okay, Shou. Thank you... I love you," she says, softly nuzzling your neck.

Ichirin returns quickly, handing off a glass of water to you. "I'm still looking for Murasa," she says, clearly panicking.

"Ichirin?" Byakuren murmurs.

"Hijiri!" Ichirin gasps, falling to her knees at your side. "Hijiri..." She quickly bursts into tears, full-on wailing as she wraps her arms around both you and Byakuren. "I was so worried, I'm really really glad you're okay," she hiccups.

Byakuren looks up at Ichirin caringly, touching her face with a fragile, gentle hand. "And I am as well for you. I'm so happy we've been reunited."

After Byakuren's had her glass of water, she seems to get back on her feet a bit. Murasa and Nazrin each arrive on the deck separately, both emotional about seeing Byakuren after all this time. She talks to everyone for hours, sitting up and drinking glass after glass to soothe her throat. You all share a meal of hastily-prepared rice and stir fry, and you notice by the end that the color has slightly returned to Byakuren's face, though her eyelids still seem heavy.

"You're alright?" you ask, placing your hand comfortingly on her shoulder.

"I'm fine... Just very tired. Could you take me to my room?" You do, but when you make to leave for your own quarters she shakes her head. "Shou? Stay with me... if you'd like."

"Of course, of course I will," you say.

She closes the sliding door behind you, and the room falls into soft darkness.  You feel like you could just sleep in your regular clothes, but you help Byakuren into her favorite nightgown before lying down next to her, snuggling into her familiar warmth.

Byakuren giggles softly. "You're unusually affectionate," she says, her words thick and sleepy.

"I love you," you remind her. "We were all so worried."

"So was I..." she says, her voice fading out. Within seconds she's dozed off. You smile, realizing that you're exhausted as well, and rest is much-needed at this point. Byakuren is safe in your arms, and she will be alright. Everything will be alright.

* * *

It's nearly dawn when you feel her jolt awake next to you, her limbs thrashing for a moment. It wakes you right out of your slumber, and you roll over to face her so fast it makes your head hurt. "Byakuren?" you gasp.

She's shaking, her eyes frozen open. "Shou," she whispers, desperate and urgent. "Hold me. Please."

Your arms are around her in an instant, cradling her against your body. "Are you okay?" you ask, stroking her hair.

She makes a soft whining noise. "I don't. I. I'm not sure. It feels like I'm—is this—are you—I can't tell if this is real," she finally chokes out.

"It's real. I am real, I am here." You reach up to rub her shoulders. "You're in the temple."

"It's hard to believe," she says after a pause. "I feel as if I've been dead all along."

You find her hand, take it in yours, and draw it up to her chest. "Your heart is still beating," you say, feeling her pulse under your fingers. "And..." You reach for her other hand, bringing it to your chest. "Mine is as well."

Byakuren starts crying suddenly, and you're not entirely sure why. "Shou, Shou, I'm sorry," she whimpers.

"You don't have to be sorry. It's alright."

For a long time, all you can do is hold her. Somehow, that's enough. Just being with her is enough. "I love you. It's alright," you tell her occasionally, working your fingers through her hair. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she'll say back, every time. "T-thank you."

"Do you want to talk about it?" you ask, once she's calmed down a bit and has stopped shaking.

Her eyes seem distant and faraway as she stares at the futon beneath you. "I'm not sure what there is to say."

"Did something happen while you were sealed?"

She thinks for a moment, then shakes her head slightly. "No. No, that's… not it. I can't remember anything specific.  Everything was just. Very long. Very painful." She's quiet. "Like there was nothing in the world except pain."

"I'm sorry," you whisper. "I wish I could've come sooner. I wish I could've stopped them from taking you—"

"Shou," she says, sharp but gentle. "Shou, it was never your fault."

You squeeze her tightly and rub her back, unable to find the words to comfort her. In the faint morning light, her hand finds yours, your fingers lacing together. "You'll be alright," you tell her eventually, because you know she will. "You're safe here."

"I trust you," she mumbles, and buries her face against your chest. "Shou."

Byakuren has always been one to fall asleep easily, lulling herself into unconsciousness through meditation. She's out again before you've even realized it, despite the rising sun beginning to light up her face. You lie awake beside her for a long while before rolling yourself as unobtrusively as possible out of the futon.

"You're up early," you say when you pad out to the kitchen to find Ichirin sitting with a cup of tea.

"Hey, you too. How's Hijiri? I heard you talking and I couldn't get back to sleep," she explains.

"Oh… My apologies. She's alright. She was a little upset but… she's alright."

"I bet," Ichirin says, twirling her hair around her fingers.  "She helped me so much when I first became a youkai, and I was really scared too? I bet she's really scared now. I would be."

"Anyone would be," you murmur, pouring two glasses of water. One for you, and one for Byakuren. "I would… advise you not to bring it up unless she does, though."

"Oh, I know. Don't worry about me!" Ichirin smiles. "I just want her to know we're all here for her, always."

"I'll tell her," you say. "Try not to fall asleep on the table again."

"I won't! Oh, you have a good rest too!" she calls as you turn your back and glide down the hallway once more.

When you return to Byakuren's room, she's still asleep, her breathing steady. You set the cups of water down by the bedside and curl around her protectively, your face against her neck, your arm around her waist. No one is ever going to hurt her again, you promise. Not while you're here. Not ever.


End file.
